Intoxication
by flumesofadyingflower
Summary: One frigid winter evening, Clary Fray disappears. In a hunt to save their beloved, Jace and Simon surrender to the waves of desperation and mania. Isabelle and Alec attempt to keep them afloat, while also dealing with their own inner demons. Warning: this is not a story of happy endings. This is a tale of when the hopeful become the hopeless and the strong become the weak.
1. Epilogue

Welcome to my first fanfiction. I thought I would try my hand at writing... I hope I do not disappoint. This story is rated M, for grown audiences only, as it contains mature language and scenes. The beginning is short and concise... written to build the tension. I swear I have more written :) Please review so I know there is someone out there reading xo

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 _Epilogue_

X

 _December 12th 2007_

When the moon overcame the sun, the sky reigned starless.

Clary pulled her black polyester coat tightly around her, her arms slightly shaking. It was nearly nine and the city - as usual during the winter - was bitter and freezing. Nonetheless, something else chilled the air this december night. However, Clary would not know _what_ or _who_ gave this darkness a nefarious essence until it was too late.

Her cell phone suddenly buzzed in the pocket of her navy saddle purse. Reluctantly taking her hand out of her coat pocket, she fished her phone out of the purse and peered down at the screen. She immediately regretted the action as the frigid air wrapped itself around her fingers.

 _Are you close?_

Simon texted her. She rolled her eyes at his lack of patience and typed a quick response that she was just around the corner. Clary agreed only a few minutes ago to meet him at Taki's diner. She was on her way home when Simon had called in urgency. He said he needed to speak with her about a crucial issue he could not say over the phone. Exhaustion coated her physique from a day of training, but he was her best friend, no was not an answer.

She rounded the corner, spying the dark brick prison like exterior of the diner. At its sight, Clary quickened her pace as she desired to reach the warm and heated restaurant. However, at the sudden feeling of someone standing directly behind her, Clary halted and her red curls bounced off her shoulders. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she felt their warm breath dance off her neck. She froze in her tracks, suddenly paralyzed with trepidation as alarm and unease smothered her senses.

 _Mistake_.

Just as the adrenaline began to course through her veins and the weeks of training started to kick in, it was too late. A muscular yet slim arm caught her waist, preventing Clary from facing her attacker. A cry rose up her throat, but another arm slapped her mouth shut. A strange drenched piece of cloth replaced his hand, quick enough that she did not have the opportunity to react. Her eyes widened in shock as she immediately recognized the tactic this… murder… kidnapper was utilizing.

 _Chloroform._

Clary swayed, her limbs suddenly losing all feeling. Her mind spun as she was unable to form a coherent thought. Black dots spotted her vision and then suddenly, the starless night washed over her like waves on a rocky shore. She fell forward, about to face plant into the pavement when her attacker caught her, pulling her against their chest. A part of her screamed to fight back but her eyes had already involuntarily fluttered closed.

The last thing she heard before the darkness enveloped her completely was a single word laced in a brittle whisper: _mine_.


	2. A Dying Flower

_Chapter One_

"But she felt empty… like a vase intoxicated by fumes of a dying flower"

X

 _December 13th 2007_

The first loud cry of Simon's cellphone failed to wake him.

So did the second… the third… even the fourth.

Finally at the blare of the fifth ring, Simon turned over onto his side and groaned into his pillow. He subconsciously reached for the eyeglasses that laid on his bed side table, but dropped them almost immediately when he remembered he no longer needed them.

He was a vampire. How could he have forgotten?

Simon grasped the cellphone in his hand, blinking rapidly in an attempt to brush the sleepiness away. A few moments following, the bright screen swam into focus.

Eleven missed calls.

At that sight, he shot up from his bed, suddenly alert and awake. However, he paused in slight confusion when he saw the caller ID: Jocelyn Fray. His eyebrows knitted together as his lips turned down in a frown.

Why was she calling so much? Thinking that Clary must had lost her phone (again) and was apologizing for ditching him last night, he called back immediately. She answered on the first ring: Jocelyn, not Clary.

"Simon?" Her voice sounded frantic.

"Yes? Is everything okay?" He replied swiftly.

"Is Clary with you?"

He hesitated. Simon had covered for Clary these last months on numerous occasions. Jocelyn was not very fond of Jace and because of that, Clary often lied to her about her whereabouts. She chose to spend more time with Jace than Simon (and obviously Jocelyn) pleased but Clary loved Jace and because of that, Simon would not refuse her requests. However, considering Clary ditched him and did not say anything about a cover up, he answered truthfully and slightly harshly.

There was a pause at the other end of the line and Simon's eyebrows remained tight.

"Is everything okay?" He asked again.

"Clary… she did not come home last night."

A pang of anxiety twisted itself inside of Simon, but it disappeared as quickly as it came. Last night, he had texted her in desperation to meet. She was reluctant at first (tired he supposed) but promised she would meet him. However, she never showed. He waited at the diner for over an hour before storming out in fury. Irritation clouded his mind and as a result, he left without finishing his food (food was a loose term considering it was a pint of blood in actuality). Before walking home, he checked along the streets surrounding the diner, in case she was somehow lingering. Nevertheless, he never found her and his own exhaustion got the best of him; then he headed home. He fell asleep in anger, rather than fear because he knew Clary. Simon knows her better than he knows himself. She was spacey and often enthralled in her own little world. Sometimes he would rant to her, then realized she had that inattentive look on her face and hadn't heard a single word he uttered. He never got upset when that happened solely because that was her, that was _his_ Clary. When she discovered the shadow world and dove deep in the waters of shadowhunters, he watched her slowly change. She became sharper, more graceful, and less careless. Yet that side of her (the remiss part) - the one he couldn't help but love - sometimes broke her polished surface. Although that was rare, he found himself cherishing that infrequent treasure.

"You know Clary…" His voice remained calm. "She's probably off in the park somewhere... sketching, creating. She probably didn't even notice the sun had fallen. She'll show soon."

"I've called her a few dozen times." Alarm and panic smeared Jocelyn's voice. "She's never done this before, I'm worried Simon."

Simon could understand why because Jocelyn was fiercely protective over her only daughter. Yet, he wished she knew her more, as well as he did. "I bet her phone's dead. I can give it a ring though."

He imagined her shaking her head. Clary received her stubbornness from her mother, that's for sure. "I was going to call Jace…" She trailed off, changing the subject.

Simon sighed in understanding. "But you don't want to worry him." Jace Wayland was (about) a six foot blonde killing machine. He was unearthly attractive (Simon was man enough to admit that) and the most cocky and infuriating person Simon knew. Yet, he loved Clary. And because of that, he was a _little_ overprotective of her. Key word: _little_.

"I would spot by the institute but I have to head to work. I can probably call in sick…"

Simon cut her off, shaking his own head. "Nonsense. I'll head over right now."

Jocelyn exhaled a sigh of relief. "Thank you. Call me as soon as you hear from her." Her voice sounded peculiar at her closing words. It was almost like… she knew she wouldn't hear from her daughter. Simon said a quick goodbye and jumped from his bed; he threw on a pair of jeans and headed out the door.

 _Head over_ was the perfect summary of Simon's abilities regarding the institute. It was concealed by glamour, appearing to be an abandoned and ruined church. However, in actuality it was an immense, gothic cathedral. The glamour was meant to keep the morals away and the wards that protected the area were meant to keep the monsters away… vampires like Simon. He would never be able to step foot in the institute again. Hence the word _over_ , rather than _in_.

He reluctantly texted Jace when he reached the doors. He preferred to ignore Jace as much as possible but anything regarding Clary, Simon knew he had to be the first to know. About ten minutes later, Jace, Isabelle, and Alec joined him at the gates.

Jace looked beautiful and golden as usual. His mane of messy blonde hair starkly contrasted with his present black clothes. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and he rocked back gracefully on his heels. Alec - on the other hand - appeared gauche and sleepy. He sported a pair of plaid pajama pants and his hands combed through his bed hair in a failed attempt to tame it. His bright blue eyes were narrowed at a random spot on the pavement. And Isabelle, well, she looked stunning and serene. Even despite the fact her long raven hair was twisted in a bun and her slender frame was covered by an oversized gray sweatshirt. Nonetheless, Simon didn't fail to notice that what held her hair up in the bun was two chopsticks that had sharp, pointed ends.

"What's this about vampire?" Jace asked harshly.

"It better be good considering you woke us up." Alec added, yawning. Simon looked down at his watch, suddenly registering the current time. It was barely past seven. Somehow on the walk over, he failed to recognize the light rise of the sun, the unusual vacant streets of the city, and the chilly morning December air.

"Anytime now." Jace remarked. Simon looked up, his eyes falling on him. Although he had known about the shadow world and its hunters for some time, he couldn't help but still feel intimidated by the three that stood in front of him. They had grown up with knives as toys and poison as medicine. They were all beautifully deadly and that mere fact chilled Simon to his bone (despite the whole-not-feeling-anything due to being a vampire).

"Clary slept here last night right?" He asked, surprised his voice remained calm and nonchalant despite his intimidation. His glance remained on Jace since he barely knew Alec and didn't have the audacity to look at Isabelle. That might have something to do with the conversation he wanted to have with Clary last night…

Jace's face remained neutral. His lack of response and expressionless demeanor engendered Simon to continue speaking. "You don't have to lie, it's no big deal. I just need to confirm because Jocelyn is freaking out since she did not come home last night."

His posture immediately tensed. Jase's mouth hardened in a tight line. "What do you mean she didn't come home last night?" His voice was so eerily quiet, Simon strained to hear.

"It means exactly what it sounds like. SHE, as in Clary Fray, did not, as in FAILED, to ARRIVE at the home of Jocelyn Fray, in the night that was the LAST." Simon said slowly, placing emphasis on certain words. He was mocking Jace, obviously. Could he not understand a simple statement? Simon opened his mouth to say something more, but the look Jace sent him, shut him up immediately. His golden eyes flashed, saying wordlessly: _don't test me vampire._

Although he tried to not look at Isabelle, out of the corner of his eye, he saw her tense as well. She frowned, glancing over at Jace in distress. At her anxious expression, Simon became the third of them to tense as the realization sunk in. "You mean she wasn't with you last night?"

"No." Alec answered for Jace. "She wasn't."

No one said anything for a few moments. Then Jace was the first to speak: "Where is she then?" He whipped out his cellphone and pulled it to his ear.

"I tried to call her on the way over. It's no use. It's dead I bet."

Jace sent him another look. "She was probably ignoring your calls. When she sees me calling…" He trailed off. Jace cursed, redialing her cell. His face reigned neutral, but Simon knew better. He couldn't help but think: _it's the calm before the storm_. And at that single thought, Simon panicked. He looked down at the pavement, rewinding the event from last night and all the times he recently saw Clary. His shook out his hands in an endeavor to stop their shaking. Clary was careless. She spent days sketching… occasionally she would forget to sleep or eat, simply because she was so captivated. _This_ , somehow felt different. Since the revelation of the shadow world, she never disappeared. When that _treasure_ came out, it was always her spaced out or holed in her room sketching a rune. Never something like this. Simon shuddered, anxiety now coursing through his veins. Maybe she was at the park, like he had told Jocelyn. Maybe she had gone to Java Jones, if she desired her typical black coffee. Maybe….

Simon jumped suddenly at the presence of Jace nearly an inch away from him. He hadn't heard him move, which proved Simon obviously wasn't very good at this vampire thing. He took a step back, pulling a hand through his mess of brown locks.

"It's called personal space…" He began, but Jace cut off him.

"I need you to tell me everything." Once again his voice was ghostly calm.

"Everything? Well, when my mother was about thirty, she had my sister Rebecca. In the next few years, she popped out another. If you haven't guessed that's me. He was only six pounds but even from birth, the doctor knew he would be a fighter. Never could the _doc_ have predicted, he would turn into a blood sucking…" Isabelle spoke for the first time, uttering his name in warning. Jace snarled, about to lunge forward when Alec caught his shirt, pulling him back. Simon knew if Jace really wanted to hurt him he could easily break Alec's hold. But Jace's reaction was more out of fear than spite. Even still he did not feel comfortable.

"This is serious." Alec said, his face strained. "When's the last time you saw Clary?"

"Well I saw her a few days ago when we grabbed coffee… but I spoke to her last night before she went…" He trailed off refusing to utilize the word 'missing'. Because Clary was fine, everything was going to be fine.

"And?" Alec urged, his patience withering with Jace's.

"We planned to meet up at Taki's… I needed to speak with her about something…" He couldn't help but glance at Isabelle. In actuality, he needed to speak about _someone_. "She texted me she was around the corner but then she never showed."

"So you went home? Didn't think that was a bit fucking weird she didn't show? I know you're used to being stood up - vampire - but Clary doesn't do that shit." Jace snarled, his voice rising. For a second, Simon considered asking Jace if he ever went to anger management since obviously he can't control his temper, but wisely he chose to keep his mouth shut.

"She's spacey… sometimes she has blown me off for _you_." He said the final word with venom. Simon predicated his statement would satisfy Jace, bring a smile to his face even. However, he was wrong. Jace appeared as angry as he was before. Simon briefly had a flashback to what their lives were like before Jace Wayland strolled in. Although he was hopelessly in love with his best friend, Clary was safe, she was always safe with him.

"Well that doesn't surprise me. Rats aren't great company."

Simon's eyes flashed with anger. He took a step forward, his emotions suddenly conquering logic. However, Isabelle stepped in between them. "This is not the time to play: _who can come up with a better insult_ ". She said rationally, her eyes glancing from Simon to Jace. "We need to step back, we need to think, and we need to wait for Clary to come back. You're right Simon, she's probably off somewhere sketching and lost track of time." Simon wished he could believe her. Hell, he wasn't even sure if Isabelle even believed her own words. Nonetheless, they listened to her and split up. Isabelle stayed at the institute in case she came back. Jace and Alec took off to the west, planning on spotting by Taki's and a few other beloved places. Simon opted to head home, check by Jocelyn's and then Luke's bookstore; all places that felt like home to Clary.

The hope Simon clung onto was a dangerous force. It kept him ignorant and optimistic for the girl with the vibrant green eyes that w _ould never return home._

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Review for more xx


	3. Certain Dark Things

Here we go :) A big portion of this chapter is dedicated to imaginary scenes. In this dark story, I want to incorporate some light. So this is for all my clace lovers out there.

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Chapter Two

"I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul"

 **X**

 _December 15th 2007_

When she laid unconscious, Clary dreamed of the life that was no longer hers.

A few months following the Mortal War, the shadow world had finally calmed down. Valentine and Sebastian, thankfully, were dead along with the majority of their allies. The Clave regained power and established (if possible) stricter rules within the shadows. As powerful as they were, the Clave feared another uprising. Valentine and his son were not the only ones who loathed their authority and desired a new beginning. However, (as it seemed) Valentine and Sebastian were the only ones who planned on overthrowing. Although Clary sometimes did not agree with the Clave, she hoped for the rest of humanity, a war like that would never happen again.

Despite the harsh rules, none truly affected Clary, other than the fact the Lightwoods were gone mostly and her mother too. That left Clary to practically take care of herself. She had Luke, someone she loved, but their relationship was different. She missed her mother and sometimes who her mother was before she knew about the shadow world. Their relationship was slowly healing but her mother's loathe of her boyfriend only engendered that wound to reopen. Clary couldn't understand why she hated Jace so much. She loved him and that fact alone should be enough for her approval. However, her mother saw everything she ran away from in the eyes of Jace Wayland and because of that, she enforced rules on their relationship. Jocelyn declared that Clary could not sleep at the institute nor train alone with Jace. Clary could not figure out - for the life of her - why her mother treated her like a child. She would be turning eighteen shortly and although she had lost that battle, Clary knew eventually she would win the war. Jace was her boyfriend, that wasn't going to change anytime soon.

In spite of that, Clary found ways around those rules. Simon covered for her some nights and Jace found methods (she didn't want to know how) to ensure they trained alone. She loved when he trained her because he was patient and calm (especially since she wasn't the best at the whole demon hunting thing) but usually when they were alone, he distracted her with doing things that had nothing to do with training. Her life started to feel normal again, despite all of its abnormality. She had come to terms with her heritage: she came from a long line of bad-ass demon hunters. It was pretty freaking cool when she thought of it. Yet, with the whole hunter legacy came its dangers. She trained almost eight hours a day. Half of it in the books where she learned about runes and tactics and medicine. And the other half where she learned how to fall and punch and not die when faced with a vicious creature. It was harder work than she imagined. Sometimes she missed the days when she was a normal teenager in high school whose biggest worry was studying enough for the calculus test. Nonetheless, she would never trade her current life for her old. She had met the Lightwoods and of course Jace. She couldn't imagine her life without them… the sole thought was too much to bare. And until the attack, that thought was nearly impossible. But everything was possible apparently, she would soon learn that.

Her eyelids felt as if they had been glued shut. Her many endeavors to open them and regain consciousness failed. It was if her mind was telling her body to keep the demons away, for as long as possible. As a result, she dreamed of a world of gold.

Her fantasy began with her as a child, around age eight. She was petite (still is) and her fiery red curls bounced against her tank top as she ran. The large pine trees blurred around her as her pace picked up, the wind whipping around her. She began to smile in triumph when she saw their homemade _finish line_ : a mere red line chalked into the ground. But her victory was short lived as a boy with golden hair and another with white sped past her. They laughed, teasing her when she reached the finish line last. Her smile died but the light in her emerald jewels did not. Her brother, the one with the white hair, laughed again and pushed her lightly.

"Jonathan…" She began, her eyes narrowing. She opened her mouth to say something more but closed it when Jace loomed above her. She looked up, her eyes finding his. Even from a young age, she couldn't help but notice how beautiful he was. His eyes were the color of pure gold and every time she looked at him, it seemed they burned brighter.

"Race you back?" He asked, a wide smile coating his lips. "That's if you can keep up... little red." _Little red_ : the one of many mocking nicknames he had given her over the years. For as long as Clary could remember, Jace was always around. That didn't surprise her considering he was her brother's best friend. At this point, it would be peculiar to spend her weekends with anyone else. He was like a brother to her since he teased and annoyed her endlessly. Nonetheless, Clary would soon find out Jace was far from a brother, but the only boy she would love unconditionally.

She straighten despite the fact it did nothing for her height. A quick smile broke on her lips and then she was gone. She ran off, the wind carrying her laughter. The two best friends looked at each other for a moment, eyes wide, then chased after the little girl they both loved.

The scene flashed, Clary's world momentarily lost in the darkness and then suddenly reclaimed to the light.

She was older here, around age fifteen.

The lobby of the local movie theater was thronged with high school students. Clary stood just by the candy counter, nervously twiddling her thumbs together. The movie had just finished, a boring film regrading wars and fires and some end of the world shit she didn't comprehend. Or more like something she didn't pay attention too. How could she when a six foot dark haired _god_ was sitting next to her. Sebastian seemed way more invested in the movie than she was and Clary couldn't tell if that was a good or bad thing. It's not like she expected them to just start making out in the crowded theater, but secretly she had hoped for something more.

Standing a little over five foot and having curls the color of the morning sun, Clary couldn't help but feel a little out of her league despite the fact Sebastian was the one who asked her out. She had never gone on a date nor even kissed a boy and then one day, an insanely attractive and popular one just sauntered up to her and asked what she was doing Saturday night. She was stunned nonetheless, but greedily denied any plans (Simon would have to wait).

Now they were here. And he was sauntering up to her again, his hands in his pockets and his dark eyes on her. He gave her a slow and steady smile when he reached her. Immediately he pulled her hand into his and tugged her towards the front doors.

Her heart beat so fast Clary was so certain it would tear from her chest. Her breaths were coming rapidly, her chest falling and rising ever so quickly.

 _Calm down._

She told herself. He was just a guy (a really hot one!) and she was just a girl. They were just holding hands… _that's all_. However, Clary couldn't escape the grin that coated her lips and the slight blush that rose to her cheeks when they stopped walking. He stood so close, the tips of his sneakers touching hers. He looked down at her, that playful smile never fading. And then he leaned forward and Clary's breath caught.

His lips were soft, gentle, warm. They touched hers lightly at first, as if asking permission. Then they became firmer the moment she opened her mouth to his. Her arms snaked around his neck when he pulled her even closer. Her hands tugged lightly at his hair, its silky texture slipping through her fingers. His hands rested on her hips as his fingers dug into her blouse and his thumbs traced circles against her hip bones.

She was lost in his lips and because of that, she didn't hear someone walk up until he was nearly right on top of her.

"Clary." There was a pause. "Sebastian."

When they broke apart, Clary was dazed for a second. She opened her eyes and looked up at the boy she had just kissed for the first time. Her eyes were wide and fleeting as they studied his clenched jaw and eyes that were narrowed at someone else. Sebastian's annoyed expression caused Clary to turn and lock eyes with Jace Wayland.

She shuddered, momentarily confused on what the hell he was doing here. Ironically, Jace looked pissed as if someone had just interrupted _him_ kissing someone else. He ignored Sebastian as his eyes were trained down on Clary. He was stiff, his muscles tense and his eyebrows tight.

"Jace?" Clary spoke for the first time. She was about to ask what he was doing here, but then she noticed the tall blonde next to him. She had her fingers laced in his and looked at Clary with a sly smile.

Kaelie.

She wore jeans and a low cut tank top that didn't leave much to the imagination. Clary had heard they were going out but never spoke about it with Jace. When they grew up, Clary and Jace grew farer apart. He was still around all the time nonetheless, she actually barely saw her own brother without his best friend. She used to not mind since he was her friend as much as he was Jonathan's but things changed. People changed. She got this weird butterfly feeling whenever she saw him. And that sensation usually (quickly) transformed to anger whenever he opened his mouth. Jace infuriated her usually to the point she had to restrain herself from hitting him or throwing something at him. He constantly teased her, called her names, and his presence just made her feel _off_. And seeing him here, interrupting her make out session, Clary's fists clenched and her jaw tighten.

"Oh hey Jace." Sebastian recovered, his demeanor relaxing. He nodded in the golden boy's direction. "Kaelie." He smiled at her and his eyes dropped to where her tank top curved. Clary didn't notice - of course - because she was too busy staring at the other boy. She didn't fail to notice how attractive he looked though (as usual). She swore every time she saw him, he got more attractive. She knew that wasn't possible but today, his black jeans rode low on his hips and his white shirt gleamed in the natural light. Clary wondered if the damn gods had created Jace himself because he was unearthly beautiful.

Jace ignored Sebastian and Kaelie opened her mouth to speak but she was cut off by Jace's curt tone. "Come on, I'll drive you home." He said to Clary, his eyes never leaving hers.

Clary's eyebrows furrowed, her mouth falling open in a silent gasp. He wasn't her brother nor her friend so why in hell did he care who she was with?

"Oh Jace." Kaelie rolled her eyes. "Let's go in before we miss the movie. They're fine…" She seemed a little uncomfortable as well considering the stare down that was occurring between her date and an attractive girl.

"Ya man…" Confusion plastered Sebastian's voice. "We're good here, I'm going to drive her home right now."

For a split second, Jace's eyes darted over to Sebastian. His golden eyes had lost their light momentarily as they appeared utterly lifeless. "I don't remember asking for your fucking opinion."

"Jace!" Clary exclaimed in disbelief. "What's your problem?"

Sebastian took a step forward, his jaw clenching once again. However, before Sebastian could say anything, all the tension fell off of Jace's face. It was as if he snapped out of this stupor he was in. His shoulders relaxed and he looked at Kaelie and smiled. Clary couldn't help but notice how ungenuine his smile appeared.

"My bad." He said casually, refusing to met Clary's eyes. "We'll see you around." Then he pulled Kaelie forward and they were gone into the theatre.

For a second, Clary remained motionless as she was completely stunned. Why did he act like that? As if he was jealous, even angry that she was on a date. Her mind raced, her thoughts swirling in a storm. As a result, she couldn't focus the rest of the night. She barely registered the drive home and the way Sebastian took her hand in his again. He traced tiny circles against her palm, yet she didn't feel anything. Even when he walked her to her doorstep and kissed her lightly, she brushed him off as she was now locked in her own stupor.

Clary couldn't shake off the way Jace looked at her: with regret, jealousy, anger. And she couldn't forget the way she felt when he walked away with another girl. Her heart pounded against her chest and she felt for the first time… the pain of love.

Her fantasy once again jumped. Her mind tumbled out of the movie date and into a momentarily purgatory. Lines of darkness overlapped each other and her lack of dreams caused a shiver to work its way up her spine. Clary was fighting to open her eyes, fighting to face what laid in her future. But the mechanism to protect herself and stay strong prevailed.

An empty school hallway greeted her. The lights were dimmed and the colorless lockers faded to the background. Clary, with her arms crossed and shoulders tense, raced down its vacancy. Her lips were turned down in a frown and she clenched her knuckles so tightly, they turned white.

She had just finished up in the art room, working late on an assignment. She spent most of her afternoons holed up in that snuffy room, a pencil clasped behind her fingers and an vision circulating her thoughts. It was the only time when she felt utterly serene, more so than she did at home when she sketched. The art room was always silent, the only noise being the rapid yet smooth strokes of her brush. At home, there was always Jonathan with his friends or her dad watching sports or her mother blasting music in her own art gallery (Clary could never understand how she could draw in anything but silence). Here, in the art room, she felt at home. Although she would not like to admit it, Clary also stayed late for a certain blonde.

She needed to speak with Jace. Or more like she needed to bitch him out. She was finally done with all of his bullshit, seventeen years in the making one could say. Clary couldn't comprehend why he hated her so much that he chose to make her life a living hell. His teasing, she could deal with. His lack of understanding personal space, she could deal with. But what he had done… was unforgivable.

Clary waited outside the boys locker room. It was ten past five, a few minutes after the Varsity Football team ended practice. He would be coming out shortly as the racket of males chatting on the other side of the wall confirmed his whereabouts.

A few minutes following, a few underclassmen ambled out of the locker room. She recognized their faces, but could not put names to them. She pushed off the wall she was leaning on and took a few steps forward, anxious for Jace's arrival. The sophomores gave her a glance, confused at her presence. She didn't fail to notice the tallest of them check her out: his eyes roaming over her physique. Over the last year, Clary had _glowed up_ per say. She had moved on from the awkwardness of early high school to the wonders of being sort of _hot_. Clary was always beautiful with her vivid green eyes and fiery red curls, but now she was _attractive_. She had grown an inch or two, had lost the baby fat in her cheeks, and had thicken out in the places that mattered. She became close with Isabelle Lightwood and that didn't hurt her social status nor her fashion sense. Not everyone knew her name, but everyone knew her face. She was hard to miss. Despite that, she paid no attention to the thirsty sophomores as a certain golden boy permeated her thoughts.

A few seconds later, another herd of boys strolled out. They all were tall, most of them broad and sporting a blue and white Varsity jacket. In a sea of dark hair, Clary easily spotted the white cap of her brother. "Jonathan!" She called out.

He looked over, surprise masking his expression. He broke off from the group and started over to her. A few of his friends nodded at her, some of their eyes wandering as well. She smiled briefly at the crowd but turned her attention to her older brother.

"Clary? What are you doing here?" He asked, his hands stuffed in his jacket pocket.

"Where's Jace?" She ignored his question, her eyes darting to the empty locker room doorway.

"Coach made him stay late and do suicides." He said. "He was running his mouth again…" Jonathan smirked at the usual Jace Wayland attitude. Most girls found it cute or hot but Clary simply found his cocky and charming nature simply infuriating.

She rolled her eyes. "How late is he gonna be?" She asked, her snappy tone cutting through the congested hallway air.

"Why do you care?" Jonathan fired back, his eyebrows knitted in confusion.

"It's none of your business." She replied, her eyes still on the locker room.

Jonathan raised his hands in surrender. "Whatever Clarissa…" He used her full name, which he knew she hated. She shot him an indignant expression. Jonathan couldn't help but notice how utterly pissed she appeared. She danced on the balls of his feet, unwillingly to stay still. Her arms were tight at her side, her lips pursed. Jonathan knew whatever Jace had done had to be bad because when it came to his best friend, Clary usually chose to ignore his running mouth. But this time… seemed different. "When he comes out, tell him we're all going to Mel's." Jonathan jogged forward, catching up with his pack of friends.

Clary barely registered his last words because her mind was racing. Why… why in HELL did Jace Wayland have to exist? Why did he feel the NEED to constantly fuck with her life? What has she ever done to deserve his wrath… all she had ever wanted was to be friends with this boy. But obviously, the feeling wasn't mutual. She racked her brain and tried to think what had she done to provoke this kind of treatment, but she came up empty handed. For years, he was her best friend. He was always teasing and annoying her but he was always there for her. However, that changed in high school. Still, she always saw him: in the halls, in class, in her own home. She could never escape the presence of the beautiful golden boy, even the times she really wanted too. She felt herself crushing (hard) on the boy who was practically her brother, but her feelings always flew out the window every time he opened his damn mouth.

"Jace!" Clary spotted a blonde head strolling out of the locker room. He sported the varsity jacket as his hands raked through his slightly wet and showered hair. He looked up, surprised at her presence and met her halfway.

"Why this is a nice surprise." He remarked, his lips curling up in a smile. "Usually I don't accept autographs and pictures after five but I can make an exception just this once…"

"Shut up." She said softly at first, then her voice grew with venom and power. "Shut up, shut up, Jace just shut the fuck up for once in your goddamn life." Her heartbeat was erratic, racing out of her chest. Her wide eyes roamed his and she felt her heart skip another beat. For a moment, she felt guilty at her words because when she looked at him… she couldn't help but wonder...

Jace was shocked into silence. She had never spoken to him like this before, _ever_. He had seen her angry on multiple occasions, all regarding his own actions. But this, _she_ , seemed different. She stood tall on her heels, giving her the appearance of someone way taller than a petite girl barely over five foot. Her arms were now at her sides, her hands balled into fists. Her plump lips (yes he was thinking about her lips) were tightened and turned down as her wild red hair fell around her face in waves. Jace thought of how beautiful she looked when she was upset… or more like how _hot_ she looked. Ironically, he thought: she was beautifully deadly.

"Woah Clary…" He recovered despite his pending arousal. "It's that time of the month again, I see." He stepped to the side, walking forward, but she was right on his heels, stepping directly in front of him and blocking his path.

"I just want to know why." She said, her voice quieter but still full of venom.

"Why what?" He asked, still confused.

"Why you hate me so much." She said, her frown dropping and her eyes suddenly losing its anger, soon replaced by sorrow. Clary looked down at the ground, unable to meet his glance. She had stormed into this area like a princess off to battle: fierce and ready. But now, when she looked at him, she couldn't help but feel the way she did. Her heart beat never slowed and she leaned forward as if she _ached_ for his touch. When she looked into his golden eyes that shined so brightly for her, she couldn't stay angry. When she was around him, she felt weak, vulnerable and she didn't fucking know why.

"Clary…" Jace flinched and took a step back, his eyes wide. Hated her? That was the most absurd thing he had ever heard. If only she knew how he felt when he looked at her and knew he could never have her. She was untouchable, the one thing in the world he could never have: his best friend's sister. And that thought alone nearly drove him to madness. His typical arrogant and bold persona slipped, thus replaced by an openly bewildered expression. "How could you say that?" His voice was just as low as hers had been.

"Because…" She looked up briefly but averted her glance. He wanted, no _needed_ , her to look at him. He _ached_ to lock eyes with her emerald jewels, so he could see her, _his_ Clary. "You told people I have a fucking STD." She said finally, gulping and her throat clenching. Her voice was still low and she still refused to meet his glance. "Are you happy now? Sebastian dumped me and asked someone else to be his prom date. Does my misery and humiliation give you pleasure?" Clary fired, her confidence and angry briefly rising once again to the surface. She told herself she was strong, that Jace was just some _prick_ she somehow acquired feelings for. It was only sexual attraction for her, nothing else.

Jace remained motionless for a moment, unable to respond. Yesterday, he watched Sebastian ask Clary to the senior prom. They had been dating on and off for two years now. He had done everything in his power to ensure they were causal, to ensure she didn't have real feelings for him. That included shaming Sebastian's dating choices, filling his head with lies that he could do so much better than her, when he knew she could do so much better than him. It also included Jace's endless ridicule to her, his screwed up way to stay relevant in her life. He was nearly successful at ruining their relationship but somehow they had prevailed. And when he saw the huge cheesy as fuck banner, balloons, and crowd Sebastian mustered for his prom proposal, he snapped. Jace had never felt anger so raw before… his head pounded, his vision blurred, his heart raced, and jealousy coursed through his veins like poison. He wanted to _kill_ Sebastian Verlac. And because he couldn't actually do that, he came up with the next best thing: to _kill_ their relationship once and for all.

Sebastian had easily believed him, especially because he told some of his boys (not Jonathan of course) his lie and it had circled around pretty quickly after that. He hadn't meant for everyone to know… he had just hoped he would dump her silently and Clary would move on. He hadn't meant to hurt her. That was the last thing in the world he wanted. And looking at her now, with her expression half destroyed and half pissed, he felt himself give in.

"Hate?" He spitted out. "How could you ever think I could hate you?"

The rawness in his voice caused Clary to shudder and the anger she momentarily felt disappeared. She would be insane to think he could hate her when he looked at her like _that_. His eyes were wide and shined the color of liquid gold. His posture was slightly bent, angled towards her. His arms were at his sides, digging into the stiff fabric of his jacket. The typical crooked and cocky smirk had slipped off his face and his lips remained in a straight line. He pursed them together then as if he was holding back from saying something.

"Why then?" She breathed out, her voice sounding peculiar and oddly husky to her own ears.

Jace hesitated but the tears that filled Clary's eyes engendered him to continue. "Because I couldn't…" Clary had never heard Jace Wayland stumble on his words before. "I couldn't watch you be with him. That's why."

"Sebastian?" Clary questioned, absolutely shocked.

Jace looked away and nodded briefly, his jaw tightly clenched. When he didn't say anything, Clary spoke again.

"Why couldn't you see me with him?" She asked despite the fact she had a feeling what he was going to say. At that mere thought, her cheeks warmed and she desired to be closer to him. She took a step forward and looked up, her eyes looming.

However, he wouldn't look at her. He stared off in the distance as if he was trying to figure out what to say. She didn't want a calculated, planned response from him. She didn't want the typical cocky dick of Jace to prevail. She wanted _her_ Jace: the one who use to braid her hair and tie tiny green ribbons around its knots, the one who held her while she sobbed over the lost of a pet, the one who punched his friend when he slapped her ass last month. Clary shuddered again and stopped suddenly, paralyzed in fear of which Jace would appear.

"Jace." She said, unable to take another second of this deafening silence. "Please look at me." She begged. And when he did, it was as if his strong, man-made dam had finally broke. His hard expression dropped and he trembled ever so slightly.

"Because Clary…" He said finally. "I love you. Always have, always will."

It was unknown who stepped forward first, who made the first move. All that was known was that Jace's arms were suddenly around her and they were kissing, their hearts pounding together in rhythm. His lips were somehow hard and soft at the same time. They pressed viciously against her lips, their soft silk like texture pleading her to open her mouth to his. And when she finally did, a low groan clawed up his throat. Her hands squeezed his shoulders and then slowly migrated north and rested on the sides of his face. Her thumbs gently traced his cheeks, then his temples, and finally rested on the nape of his neck. Her fingers itched to touch his golden hair, a hidden desire she acquired for some time.

Their tongues clashed in a battle of lust and dominance. Jace's hands explored the curves of her hips, the arch of her back, and the wild red waves that snaked down her frame. He didn't know if she was doing this on purpose but Clary was rolling her hips into his, causing her to be soft in all the places that he was hard. And in the next moment, his hands lowered and grasped her bottom, lifting her up against the wall. Clary's legs immediately wrapped around his waist and he couldn't help but notice how _perfectly_ they fit together.

Their lips were doing the talking, wordlessly conveying:

I'm sorry.

Forgive me.

I love you.

 _I love you._

Clary's body felt like it was on fire: ignited by passion and pure love. Her veins ran with liquid passion and she finally understood what people meant when they said a kiss could undo you. She was kissing him the way she had secretly fantasized for years: with a total loss of control and sudden abandonment. She tasted him, explored him, devoured him. He bit lightly at his lower lip and then she moaned, not softly, not gently, just erotically. He pressed her closer to him, despite the fact she was certain they couldn't get any closer. His hands fell on her legs and they moved up, suddenly under her skirt. He tugged at the material of her tights and she was sure she had heard a sound like ripping fabric but she was too busy lost in the sensation that was _him_. Subconsciously, Clary knew at any moment, someone could walk along and discover them practically boning each other. But she didn't care. A dark twist of desire curled itself inside of her and unexpectedly, she didn't want slow, gentle, warm. She wanted fast, hot, zeal. Clary pulled away slightly to push his jacket over his shoulders. She inhaled to catch her breath but his lips were on hers again. His hands continued to roam up her tigh and their soft, murmurs pervaded the silent hallway. She arched her back when his lips fell to her neck, sucking, kissing the tender area. It felt so good to be touched by him, to be kissed by him and simply be held by him. It was almost too good to be true…

Her fantasy broke unexpectedly and the scene shattered like shards of a broken mirror. She was back in this purgatory and for the first time, she screamed subconsciously. She wanted to be back there, in his arms, with his touch. But it was just an illusion, a simple figment of her imagination. Reality slammed into her like a truck on a lost course and her eyes fluttered open.

After a few tries, a dimly lit room swam into focus. Her eyes still felt heavy and her limbs screamed in lethargy. Something cold and metal hung at her wrists but her mind was too foggy to piece together the chains. Clary rolled her head back and whimpered. Where the hell was she? Before she could take another breath, a figure hidden in the shadows stepped forward and her heart stopped. It took a second to register the tall and slender shape that stood before her because she didn't want to believe her own goddamn eyes.

"Sebastian?" Clary croaked, her throat scratchy and her voice dry.

"Hello little sister." He said, a wicked smile forming on his lips.

Clary screamed.


End file.
